Jacie has been home for 2 1/2 years. She was adopted from the Special Needs Chinese Adoption Program at the age of 8 years old. She is learning and growing in her forever family~

Friday, May 6, 2011

Holy Ground

Life is good.

That is what I tell myself as I face the many challenges that I walk daily. Yet, I know that I am extremely blessed to be on the holy ground that I tread...

Jacie turned nine, got her cast off and [re] learned to walk in the past week. I am exhausted so she must be as well.

She did have a good day on her birthday though she struggled. It is difficult to explain how quickly she sabotages her own happiness. On days that are supposed to be fun and focused on her, she is difficult to please and never satisfied. First, she was very hard to buy for because she wants everything she sees but doesn't find that one item that makes her tick. I finally bought her a Star Wars figurine that she had her eye one. Little princess? Not. Unless you're thinking Princess Leia. I hid it until I could wrap it and she intentionally found it and lied about seeing. So I gave her the benefit of the doubt but when she opened it both Bart and I knew that she had seen it.

Second, I had bought her a Nerf gun that she wanted at a garage sale and hidden it in the bottom of my closet to save for her birthday. Do you think that I could find it? Not a chance. I looked all day. I have lost a couple of important items lately and I have to admit, I was frustrated. So I tried to make her other presents look special and big and hide my disappointment.Three days later, Jared found it hidden in her room. When he pulled it out, she said, "No, put that back. Ma will see it."

He brought it down and told me. I then went to her and asked her why she had taken it from my closet and she replied, "I no know if it be mine... I want it."

To which I replied, "You stole it from me because you liked it?"

"I no steal."

"Do you know what stealing is?"


That night was particularly hard because she got into to trouble for her deception and retaliated verbally. Then she was in major trouble. The night ended with she and I sitting on the kitchen floor crying over the changes in her life and the difficult situation we have found ourselves in. In the span of an hour and a half, we sat and discussed how she feels about all of the changes and how much she misses the people in China. She refuses to talk about anyone by name but said that she thought that her China Ma "be dead." She also said that in China she had a teacher who smiled at her the day she left and said that she would see her again. With that Jacie said, "She lie. I know see her again. She be old when I grow up and die. I no see her."

She cried. I cried.

Then she sat and rubbed my back saying, "Ma, no cry. I no like it when ma cry."

Whew...Happy Birthday to her, I guess.

Monday, she got her cast off and a walking cast put on. I had really hoped that the doctor was right when he said that she would be in it for two weeks. Imagine my surprise when he said that she would need the cast for four weeks then we would see...

That is very close to our upcoming trip for my brother's wedding. I was looking forward to traveling with a walking child. Uhmm... the best laid plans. Life sure goes in different directions than often planned for. The good news is that she is teaching herself how to walk. I knew that she would want to be back on her feet again. I sent her out to play and looked out the window to see her walking back and forth on the sidewalk with her walker. I asked her what she was doing and she said, "I walk."

"Okay," I replied.

She still uses her walker and is very, very slow. Hopefully the speed picks up. When the doctor took off her cast, she screamed bloody murder. She was petrified and shook uncontrollably. I felt bad for her but finally had to be firm or we would still be sitting there trying to convince her to let him cut it. When they pulled it off, her leg was infected over the plate. I have not gotten it cleared up yet. It looks like it is getting worse. Hopefully by Monday it will look better or I will have to take her to the doctor's to make sure that it is not deep in her leg. She has definitely had her share of trauma.

She continues to amaze me with her generosity. Today, her grandma was going to take her out to lunch and to shop for her present. Before we met grandma we went to a garage sale where Jacie decided that she was going to find something for her. Thank heavens it was a good sale. We picked out little tea cups and saucers that I was certain Jacie and grandma could enjoy together. It was then that I realized that I wasn't sure Jacie knew what a tea party was. We bought them and she and grandma took them home and put them to good use with cookies and tea (coffee in Jacie's case.) Hopefully that was a good time for both of them. She really has a good heart and the kindness of a little lady. She just has the disposition of rascal.

She sure tickled my funny bone when she went up to the counter with her grandma to pay for her birthday present. She emptied her complete purse on the counter and turned it over to spill the coins. Then she grabbed her gift and walked away. The clerk laughed. I laughed. And her grandma laughed. If nothing else, it was good for the humor side of life.

I continue to be amazed at the journey that I am walking. I wouldn't have necessarily chosen it for myself but I am grateful for it everyday.

~Camo Pants

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