It seems like it has been a long time since I posted. Nope. Only three days. I must not get out much...
A lot has happened in those three days so grab a chair and kick up your feet. This could be a long one. We'll go short and sweet to start. We have a date for the upcoming surgery, March 18th. This is a little later in the season than I wanted because Bart usually starts 'fitting' fields by then and that leaves a solo commander in control. Thank goodness the boys are big helpers. They will love toting their sister up the stairs, then down again when she has to go to the bathroom. Okay, those of you who have read up to now know that I am exaggerating a little here but when the need is really there. I think that they will be helpful.
In other news...
A couple of days ago Jacie came and sat next to me while I was sorting socks. She decided that we were going to tell 'secrets'. She leaned over to me and said, "In China, I sleep with my China ma and ba every night."
"Wow" I answered, "Every night?"
"Yeah, they like me and let me sleep with them or googa (brother) every night."
"Oh, you had a brother?"
"Yeah, her was older. Like twelve. She drive."
I have to break into this conversation and tell you that in China, twelve year olds do not drive. Sixteen year olds don't own vehicles either. So I am guessing that this brother was a little older than Little Miss said.
The conversation continued for about thirty minutes. I am going to try to recount as much as I remember so I don't have to remember it all tomorrow. I am not as young as I once was...
From what I gathered on my reconnaissance mission is that she did live in a foster home. Her foster parents were older. While she was living there, she had a grandma and grandpa get older and die. That didn't bother her. So she says.
She used to crawl on the ground wearing something like volleyball pads on her knees. They went all the way down to her ankles. I had wondered about that because she would have shown marks from crawling for five years of her life. When she had surgery, she again told me that she didn't go to sleep. She says that she watched the surgery and yelled. I am wondering if she watched them take off her casts? Or if she really didn't sleep during this surgery. I have talked to another gal whose daughter was born with clubfoot here in the States. When they did surgery on her, they did not put her to sleep, just numbed it.
Questions...questions...Many of which I might never know the true answer.
Every once in a while Jacie would lean over to me and tell me another 'nugget'. I see them as golden nuggets because of our lack of information. I cannot help her piece together her life is I don't know what is in it.
After she could walk. She watched her China ma and ba lock her into the house (they left her by herself while they went to work. Our guide said that she was left alone and in charge of her sister at three years old.) After they left, she pulled a chair over, unlocked all three locks and followed them down the road. What a stinker. She said that she hid behind trucks and cars until she got to their work site. Then she watched them for a while. Finally she let them know that she was there. I asked her what they said and she replied, "They laugh."
She said that they shoveled raisins. Uhhmm... I am not sure about the raisin production in China. She also said that her China ma sent her to the store with money in the dark to buy some food. She said, "I scared. I have no light. I run as fast as I can." I'll bet she did...
She told me that China ma and ba love her and buy her anything she want. Then a minute later said that she didn't have any toys or books. They must have bought her candy? She also said that they let her do anything she want. I said, "Jacie, you were spoiled."
"Yes, I be spoiled," she answered. I am not sure if she knows what spoiled means but we giggled a lot about it. She whispered in my ear that when China ma was told that she was going to be adopted, "She lay down and cry and cry and cry. I lay down with her."
"I bet you miss her, " I replied quietly.
"Every day, I miss her. I remember a lot about China. One day I fly back and see her. I take you and dad. Okay?" she questioned, hesitating a little.
"Yeah, that would be okay..." I whispered back.
She kept talking and I kept letting her. She said, "You no my real parents. China ma and ba are."
I replied, "I think that China ma and ba take care of you but you did not grow in China ma's belly. "
"Yes, I did. You no know about it," she defied.
That one I let go for now. I am way too much of a wimp to argue to strenuously with a very determined, semi-English speaking gal. The conversation continued about when she went in the place. She does not ever refer to the orphanage as an orphanage. It is 'the place'.
"When I go to the place, they no like me there. I no do as they say. They no like."
I laughed, "Imagine that, they didn't like your not listening..."
"I fight in there."
"You fought? Who?"
"The boys. They no like me. So I fight. One day I...she clenched up her little fist and mimicked punching me in the nose."
I said, "You punched someone in the nose?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"I play with her toy and she come over and fight, so I hit her nose."
"Did it bleed?" I questioned.
"Lots."
"What did the workers do?"
She replied, "They no like me so they make me stand long time (she motioned to the corner.)"
I laughed so fully. Every time she does something wrong and gets into trouble she says, "You no like me."
What a handful she must have been for the orphanage workers. Stinker. I think I have already referred to her with that previously. It is just as true now as it was then...
She finally wound down the conversation by stating that she did not want to come with Bart and I "...because I no know you..."
She has definitely been on quite a journey in her eight years. It has made her into the curious, determined little bit of a turkey that I have grown to love. Continue to remember her as she moves forward in her growth. She is facing some guilt about the ones she left behind and the things she is now experiencing. There is nothing that can be done to take this part of the journey away. She needs to walk through it, grieve deeply and choose where she will go from there. She definitely has the spit and vinegar in her to make lemonade out of her lemons. I have no doubt as to the choices she will make.
On the lighter side, she, Jared and I went sledding for her first (real) time. Having taken the boys to Dead Man's Hill for many years and walking away with them still breathing, gave me the confidence that she would walk away as well. I was right. I wasn't sure if she would enjoy it. She did. What a toughie. Watching her walk up the hill was painful for me. Yet, I let her do it because she needs to be able. She is too independent not to be. But as a mother, I have to admit, it pained me greatly. Her left leg is so unstable and she hyper-extends that knee so greatly. Ouch...
To say the least, she is not walking as well tonight. She loved sledding and wants to go again tomorrow. "Uhhmm... Maybe not tomorrow sweetie, I have to watch the Packers beat the Steelers (that's for you, Rachel.)"
She continues to grow and develop. We are seeing a strength and fortitude in her that will serve her in the future. I am attaching a picture of her feet. I haven't done that in a while and I know that there are some of you who haven't seen them.
A lot has happened in those three days so grab a chair and kick up your feet. This could be a long one. We'll go short and sweet to start. We have a date for the upcoming surgery, March 18th. This is a little later in the season than I wanted because Bart usually starts 'fitting' fields by then and that leaves a solo commander in control. Thank goodness the boys are big helpers. They will love toting their sister up the stairs, then down again when she has to go to the bathroom. Okay, those of you who have read up to now know that I am exaggerating a little here but when the need is really there. I think that they will be helpful.
In other news...
A couple of days ago Jacie came and sat next to me while I was sorting socks. She decided that we were going to tell 'secrets'. She leaned over to me and said, "In China, I sleep with my China ma and ba every night."
"Wow" I answered, "Every night?"
"Yeah, they like me and let me sleep with them or googa (brother) every night."
"Oh, you had a brother?"
"Yeah, her was older. Like twelve. She drive."
I have to break into this conversation and tell you that in China, twelve year olds do not drive. Sixteen year olds don't own vehicles either. So I am guessing that this brother was a little older than Little Miss said.
The conversation continued for about thirty minutes. I am going to try to recount as much as I remember so I don't have to remember it all tomorrow. I am not as young as I once was...
From what I gathered on my reconnaissance mission is that she did live in a foster home. Her foster parents were older. While she was living there, she had a grandma and grandpa get older and die. That didn't bother her. So she says.
She used to crawl on the ground wearing something like volleyball pads on her knees. They went all the way down to her ankles. I had wondered about that because she would have shown marks from crawling for five years of her life. When she had surgery, she again told me that she didn't go to sleep. She says that she watched the surgery and yelled. I am wondering if she watched them take off her casts? Or if she really didn't sleep during this surgery. I have talked to another gal whose daughter was born with clubfoot here in the States. When they did surgery on her, they did not put her to sleep, just numbed it.
Questions...questions...Many of which I might never know the true answer.
Every once in a while Jacie would lean over to me and tell me another 'nugget'. I see them as golden nuggets because of our lack of information. I cannot help her piece together her life is I don't know what is in it.
After she could walk. She watched her China ma and ba lock her into the house (they left her by herself while they went to work. Our guide said that she was left alone and in charge of her sister at three years old.) After they left, she pulled a chair over, unlocked all three locks and followed them down the road. What a stinker. She said that she hid behind trucks and cars until she got to their work site. Then she watched them for a while. Finally she let them know that she was there. I asked her what they said and she replied, "They laugh."
She said that they shoveled raisins. Uhhmm... I am not sure about the raisin production in China. She also said that her China ma sent her to the store with money in the dark to buy some food. She said, "I scared. I have no light. I run as fast as I can." I'll bet she did...
She told me that China ma and ba love her and buy her anything she want. Then a minute later said that she didn't have any toys or books. They must have bought her candy? She also said that they let her do anything she want. I said, "Jacie, you were spoiled."
"Yes, I be spoiled," she answered. I am not sure if she knows what spoiled means but we giggled a lot about it. She whispered in my ear that when China ma was told that she was going to be adopted, "She lay down and cry and cry and cry. I lay down with her."
"I bet you miss her, " I replied quietly.
"Every day, I miss her. I remember a lot about China. One day I fly back and see her. I take you and dad. Okay?" she questioned, hesitating a little.
"Yeah, that would be okay..." I whispered back.
She kept talking and I kept letting her. She said, "You no my real parents. China ma and ba are."
I replied, "I think that China ma and ba take care of you but you did not grow in China ma's belly. "
"Yes, I did. You no know about it," she defied.
That one I let go for now. I am way too much of a wimp to argue to strenuously with a very determined, semi-English speaking gal. The conversation continued about when she went in the place. She does not ever refer to the orphanage as an orphanage. It is 'the place'.
"When I go to the place, they no like me there. I no do as they say. They no like."
I laughed, "Imagine that, they didn't like your not listening..."
"I fight in there."
"You fought? Who?"
"The boys. They no like me. So I fight. One day I...she clenched up her little fist and mimicked punching me in the nose."
I said, "You punched someone in the nose?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"I play with her toy and she come over and fight, so I hit her nose."
"Did it bleed?" I questioned.
"Lots."
"What did the workers do?"
She replied, "They no like me so they make me stand long time (she motioned to the corner.)"
I laughed so fully. Every time she does something wrong and gets into trouble she says, "You no like me."
What a handful she must have been for the orphanage workers. Stinker. I think I have already referred to her with that previously. It is just as true now as it was then...
She finally wound down the conversation by stating that she did not want to come with Bart and I "...because I no know you..."
She has definitely been on quite a journey in her eight years. It has made her into the curious, determined little bit of a turkey that I have grown to love. Continue to remember her as she moves forward in her growth. She is facing some guilt about the ones she left behind and the things she is now experiencing. There is nothing that can be done to take this part of the journey away. She needs to walk through it, grieve deeply and choose where she will go from there. She definitely has the spit and vinegar in her to make lemonade out of her lemons. I have no doubt as to the choices she will make.
On the lighter side, she, Jared and I went sledding for her first (real) time. Having taken the boys to Dead Man's Hill for many years and walking away with them still breathing, gave me the confidence that she would walk away as well. I was right. I wasn't sure if she would enjoy it. She did. What a toughie. Watching her walk up the hill was painful for me. Yet, I let her do it because she needs to be able. She is too independent not to be. But as a mother, I have to admit, it pained me greatly. Her left leg is so unstable and she hyper-extends that knee so greatly. Ouch...
To say the least, she is not walking as well tonight. She loved sledding and wants to go again tomorrow. "Uhhmm... Maybe not tomorrow sweetie, I have to watch the Packers beat the Steelers (that's for you, Rachel.)"
She continues to grow and develop. We are seeing a strength and fortitude in her that will serve her in the future. I am attaching a picture of her feet. I haven't done that in a while and I know that there are some of you who haven't seen them.
Hope all is well.
~CP
~CP
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