Sometimes I think that the thing that holds us back the quickest is our own minds and expectations. That is an easy rut to fall into with adoption. It doesn't matter if you are the one adopting, a family member or friend, an expectation of how things will be always comes to play. Well-meaning people surround the adopted child with their own ideas of what they should learn, when it should be taught, how they should act and react... You get the idea.
I have found by dropping a lot of that expectation, I free myself up to experience the adoption more fully. It is hard to explain to people that Jacie, though turning nine this Spring, is not at the 'place' that other nine year olds are. She doesn't have the same base. A fellow blogger wrote a letter about this exact topic for www.adoption.com. I blog there and she does as well. Her name is Margie and the title of the blog is Dear Teacher. Check it out if you are interested. What she talks about with her daughter's adoption is so much of what we are experiencing.
Jacie was a robot through dinner tonight. The whole time. It was interesting to say the least. She struggles with her ability to sit at the table and let normal conversation flow around her. She desires the attention to be fully placed on her. That makes it a little frustrating for her brothers, who don't find it cute. What's not to find cute about it...?
"I am R-O-B-O-T."
"Jacie is a robot?"
"No, Jacie. I am R-O-B-O-T."
"Oh, sorry. Robot, you need to eat your green beans."
"Robots don't eat green beans."
"Uhhmmm...Yeah, I think that they do."
She is too cute. She does struggle with listening to directions. The sad thing is that I really don't think that she is trying to disobey. She just doesn't want to listen, so she doesn't. That makes for interesting times around here. Uhhmm...
She would play video games and watch television all day if I would let her. I know that they had her sit in front of the tv a lot in the orphanage. In their defense, what do you do with a child who cannot walk? Then when she did start walking, she had major surgery to contend with. So I would assume that again, to keep her entertained, she watched tv. I can barely tear her away from it sometimes. I work on it but I am between a rock and a hard place too. I want to help her to establish boundaries in her life but she is still going to revert back to her rituals. I think that is another thing that people don't understand. It is difficult to seperate the child from the first eight years of their life. So you work the things you want in her life and relax a little. Rome certainly wasn't built in a day and Jacie's base will not be either.
So much for moving to a new level in my life. I had thought that I was moving to one when the boys got about eleven. They began to get a little more self-sufficient and I was enjoying myself. Too much, probably. God truly has a great sense of humor.
She is a funny little character with a good heart. Continue to pray for us. She has been home for a little over seven months now but we are still in transition. I am afraid that the upcoming surgery will set her back emotionally. I told the doctor that I think that she will be so ticked off at him that she will still carry his picture with her when she goes to college so she can throw darts at it. He laughed.
Strange sense of humor, that man has...
Thanks for the time.