Sunday, December 16, 2012
Well, first I quit my 'job' as a professional adoption blogger. Then I sent applications to everyone I could think of. Third I printed my whole blog in a book form. Yup, you guessed it- I am finally writing Jacie's book. I have to admit that my own fears have kept me at a stalemate. I printed the blog, read it over and have just stared at it since. I don't know what to do with it. I don't know if anyone will want to read it. Yet, I know that God is tugging at my heart to write it. I am not only writing the book- I am applying to speak about adoption on a professional level. Again, I step back from this and look at it with an unsure amazement. Is this really where God would have me place my time? I have been out of the social loop for a long time. I have not held a position that required me to give large amounts of my time at any point in my marriage. Am I hearing God correctly?
Jacie is growing up so nicely. She is such a neat girl. Yet, she struggles just like any other pre-teen girl. She is on the fast track to becoming a young lady and is VERY emotional. Wowsers... She breaks my heart with her tears which seem to come often right now. I struggle to put into words how much I feel inadequate for walking her through this time of her life. She is still not fully fluent, not reading and her comprehension (though very good) has gaps. How to explain the finer points of teenage development in this case has left me baffled. I do know for certain that I am not reading the signs wrong- she is definitely developing. Her latest appointment with Dr. Nowicki confirmed that for me. He ordered a bone scan of her hips and then showed me how he could tell that she was 'growing up.' He also talked to me about her hip dysplaxia and how she will probably require hip surgery on both sides. he could not tell me when because her teenage years will shift everything but he did say, "It could be 10 months or 10 years but something will have to be done."
Just a little something to look forward to. Jacie has accepted the fact that she needs braces on her teeth. This came from the multitudes of children that I pointed out that already had these same braces and how common it is. She was even trying to figure out what color she wanted. What a doll.
We are coming up on our 3rd Christmas since she came home. That in itself is amazing but it shouldn't surprise me because she will be 11 in April- seems like just yesterday. Life continues to march forward and I often find myself standing outside of it and praying for grace to do things right. To say the right things. To touch the heart of this little girl who stole my heart.
Pray for us as we search out God's will for the book and speaking engagements. It is something that I have a heart for but know that if it is not done correctly, my kids could suffer.
I am blessed everyday to be where I am ~CP
BTW: This pic is from Halloween. My little ninja princess decided to be a fabulous movie star. So out of character for her. I thought for sure that she would want to be Darth Maul or some awful creature. Nope- a beautiful movie star suited her. But rest assured, she is still my favorite ninja- she requested a black ninja mask and sword for Christmas.