Orphan to CHOSEN in a Matter of a Few Seconds

As I flit through my Facebook page that I have sorely neglected today, I see all types of causes. Things that people want me to step up behind. They want me to support childhood cancer research, breast cancer awareness, coalitions against child abuse, abortion, mistreatment of others in any form- all important things. It is difficult to know where to put passion these days. Yes, I am in support of cancer research, I would love to see its sickly tentacles completely annihilated from this earth. I also believe that all life has value- from the womb to the elderly. I am against abuse of all sorts. So why do I get so overwhelmed by the massive amount of evil and sickness that seems to pervade in our world today. I merely skim through my feed and I see ten different places that need my money, time or support and they are all very good things. How does a person deal with the massive need to help without the ability to fix any of it??

That is the most difficult thing for me to understand in the world that we live in. I have a platform. I tout my stuff. I blog about my cause- adoption of orphans. I only hope that a handful of people are reading. I am only blogging one cause of many. Sometimes the thought that I am really only dropping a tiny drip into an insurmountable wrong breaks my heart. There are so many worthy causes for people to read about, step in and make changes; how can I ask you to look at the heart of the orphan? The one battle that matters the most to my heart.

I have adopted two 'orphans'. Two of millions. In the scheme of the whole picture- that is nothing.

Yet, the two I have are mine. They are not orphans anymore. I cannot tell you grateful that I am that I serve a God that tugged my heart in the direction of two random kids. There is nothing special about the two kids that I call my own, except that I call them my own. That takes them from a status of orphan to CHOSEN in the matter of a few seconds. Yeah, that is my cause. To take the story of my humble little family out to the masses. Maybe someone, somewhere will see something they like. Maybe they will say, "Yes, I could do that. I could make a life in that way."

God has been so gracious to my family. He has given me grace where I have fallen short in parenting (many, many areas.) He has chosen my family to walk through life in a unique but powerful way. There is no concrete reason for this. I am not worthy to carry the burden. I fail often. Yet, somehow, in God's mercy he has allowed me to walk this journey. Humbling, really.

About once a day, I think about the other children in Jacie's 'group'. All of the children that attended the adoption camp that she was in. She was the first child to be chosen from that group (we were told.) Within twelve hours of being posted on the national listing, Jacie was put on hold by Bart and I. We were not looking to adopt. She was a little under-represented (very little information, no videos.) Yet, God chose to move in a way that allows me hope. She is an amazing fit in our family. Is she perfect? Uhmmm...

No.

Am I?

Of course.

Those of you who know me know that is not even close to accurate. Yet, God chose both of us. Interesting, huh?

I know that there are kids from Jacie's adoption group that are still waiting. It has been over 4 years since we brought Jacie home- over 5 1/2 years since we started this process and KIDS ARE STILL WAITING. Jacie has had 4 major surgeries, learned English, traveled to many states, gotten braces, celebrated Christmas. She has lived. Yet, some of the children that she played with daily STILL WAIT. That is why I blog. That is why I tell our story. To make adoption accessible to you. So everyone can see that Bart and I are just humans who have answered a call on our lives and somehow God has pieced together something beautiful from it.

Tonight I pray for the children that are waiting. They are the beacons in the night. They are the fuse that ignites the passion in my heart. Thanks for stopping in- may your holidays be blessed.

~Camo Pants

One of my favorite pictures of the kids from our trip to California.
What kind of mother would get a kick of making her kids pose under this sign, one may ask...?
Me!

 

An Almost Teenager

It is hard to believe that my home now has two teenagers and an almost teenager. Where has the time gone? With Jacie, it seems as though we were just stepping off the plane in Chicago and now she is nearing her 'teen' years. People often tell me that they feel like Jacie has been here so much longer than 4 years. I think it is the other way. I feel as though the time has moved so swiftly that I am running behind it in hopes to savor even a second of her childhood before it slips away. I am sure that I mentioned she has braces on her teeth now- she is NOT a fan of the braces or me because I insisted that she get them. Her teeth were termed by the orthodontist as severe. I knew the minute that I saw her on the curb of that dusty road that she would need a lot of dental care.

I continue to attempt to write her book. It is difficult to find the time to sort through the 200,000 words I have written in this blog and narrow it down to 50,000. I have made a blog book of all that was written and all of the pictures that have been posted since the day that I met her. I enjoy picking through the book and remembering the time that has passed. She enjoys looking as well.

She went to the orthopedic doctor this week for her check-up. We really appreciate her doctor. He is young and smart and appears to really enjoy Jacie. He was the first doctor to meet her in America and we followed him when he left the original practice. Going to see him is like visiting a family member. He has studied and followed her case with such precision.

She is back into her swimming season. Swimming is an incredible exercise for her. She and I went to Grand Rapids for a meet last week and met an awesome athlete. Her name is Elizabeth and she was born in a foreign country. She only has one leg (I am not sure when her other one was amputated- before America or in her birth country.) Elizabeth is a United States Para-Olympian. She swam in Beijing and won a bronze in at least one event. Jacie and I were excited to meet and talk with her. We are considering putting Jacie in some para-Olympian  style events. As Jacie is paralyzed from the knees down and has a neuromuscular disorder and hip dysplasia. We will have to wait and see if this all comes to pass in Jacie's future.



I am blessed everyday to know this girl. She is a beautiful person who fills my heart daily.

Camo Pants

I am Living the Happy Life

I think that my little princess is growing. She always wants to sleep. Eats like a farm hand. Whines like a girl. And is just starting to find a streak of acne across her forehead.

This seems early. Granted, she is 11 years old but to me she is a little over 3. It is hard to believe that Jacie has only been here for 3 yrs. She is such a part of our hearts and life- It seems like forever. I think that it is harder for her though. Yesterday, as she and I were driving, she said, "I was looking at your pictures and you guys had a lot of fun before I came."

I replied, "Yes, we did but we have had a lot of fun with you as well."

"Yeah, I know."

I could hear the wistfulness in her voice as she processed the facts. There is no way to change the fact that she came to our family at the age of 8 and her brothers were 12. That means that Loren had 12 years of memories and Jared had 10 (he was adopted at the age of 2 from US foster care.) Unfortunately, life is like that. I cannot explain that while she was struggling, we were actively pursuing life with our family unaware that she would join us. That life did carry on without her presence. I can only tell her that when she came- life got that much sweeter. That our family was changed by her presence and that we would never desire another picture without her smiling face in it. That is all I have to give her at this point. Hopefully it is enough.

I can also tell her that her time in China formed her. It made her who she is today. She has life where hers was hard. She has mobility where there was none. She has love.

Jacie's story is one of amazing people. She was left in an orphanage to die. Saved by a proud Chinese rice picker's wife. Nursed back from severe nutritional deficit. Overcame a late surgery to master walking by the age of 6. Was removed from the only family she knows. Spent 2 years in a Chinese orphanage. Was removed from the orphanage. Met a white family for the first time. Flew 19 hours home with them. Learned their language. Learned their customs. Had major orthopedic surgery. Learned to walk all over again. Had major orthopedic surgery again. Learned to walk again. Learned to ride a bike. Learned to read a book. Learned. Learned. Learned.

My guess is she is tired. Yet, she said to me last night, "I am living the happy life."

Yes, dear girl. You are.

So am I.


~Camo Pants


I continue to work format on Jacie's book. Hopefully it will come out in the Spring.

She is My Foot Rubber

I wonder tonight how long I will continue to blog Jacie's journey. When do we arrive at the 'enough is enough' station? I have been blogging about her journey for over three straight years. Granted, I have slowed down since the inception but perhaps others are getting bored of me saying. "Jacie is well. Jacie is growing. Jacie is..."

Sometimes I think that I should move on. Close the blog, write the book and be done. Yet, how does one write a book while raising a very active family? How do I carve out the time? Is it worth the sacrifice that it will take to complete it? Perhaps no one wants t read another story of another adoption. So I blog on, in hopes that someday I will write the book. That others will want to read it. That the God that I serve can be glorified through the telling of Jacie's story. She has such an amazing one.

Jacie showed horses last weekend. She was so tired. I should not have made her do it because she had just gotten home from camp and then spent a day up at MSU for the boys to compete. She had no concentration. Yet, she sure looked cute. That was about all that she had going for her :)


She continues to desire to read. I read to her a lot. She loves to read about fairies and princesses...and superman and batman...and ninjas and pirates. Yup, there is just a little bit of girl mixed into this full-blown tomboy. I tell you what. I am a tomboy at heart and still cannot even come close to this gal. She is so happy and content in her role as a young ninja/superhero. She loves to wrestle and argue. She is in her muck boots more than any other shoe. Her hair really needs a style instead of mop top :) She is so distinctly herself, I wouldn't change a thing (though I have been tempted with the mop that she calls hair.) I cannot tell who this person has become in my life because I am not certain myself. She is so interwoven throughout all the facets of my life that I am not sure I could separate it out.
She is my daughter.

She is my friend.

She is my girl power partner.

She is my ninja princess.

She is my reading buddy.

She is my foot rubber (when I can convince her to.)

She is my heart.

I thank God daily for the role that she fills in my life and pray that I can give her half of what I desire for her (and her brothers.)

She is my blessing.

~CP

Adoption is Beautiful

I lie here on the sofa, watching PBR (hey, I'm a farm-girl, what can I say?) and blogging again. One might say that after all of the talking that I did yesterday, I would find the need to be quiet. Nope. That is where this blog has come in handy. It is my outlet. It is my reflection. It offers me a place to carry a one-sided conversation where I find that I am always right. What would not be loved about that??

This weekend I had the privilege of speaking at the home school convention about our adoption experience. It was amazing. I am definitely a talker, so it was right down my alley. My session went very well. The funny thing was that I spoke about the money aspects of adoption. That is so out of my realm. I have not figured out how to handle all of the expenses that come from an international adoption yet and I am at almost 3 years in. Perhaps it is something that is never mastered? There are so many facets involved. The adoption costs themselves, the medical costs, dental costs, I could keep going. All I could do is look at these generous, loving people and say, "Hold on tight!"

I just hope that someone got a tiny bit of information that helped them understand adoption a little more fully. Then my time was well spent.

My favorite part of this weekend was meeting the people. There are so many people who have adopted, are adopting, dream of adopting or are adopted themselves. Every one of them have a story. I had the rare opportunity to see other people's hearts. Amazing. I am blessed. Here I thought all of my writing, speaking and blogging was to tell our story. Now I am beginning to think that is not so- it is to offer others the chance to share theirs. God has such neat plans. I too have learned to hold on tight~

Today is mother's day. I reflect on the history and purity that comes with the words Mother's Day and marvel at how the look of this day has changed so greatly since it started so long ago. Today, my family celebrated our mothers. There were many. We celebrated our biological mothers, adoptive mothers, stepmothers, godmothers. All under one name. Mother. Many members of my family have biological mothers that they have never met- will never meet. They too can be honored. They offered life. They made the hard decision. These same family members have adoptive mothers that they love. They are honored. My personal story includes a stepmother. I honor her. She loves my dad. She loves my kids. She loves me. That is enough. She is one of my mothers.

My adopted children struggle. There hearts are here. They love their family but they are curious. They desire to know where they come from. Who was in their corner when their lives began. Jacie will not know. She [and I] will always wonder. Hopefully God can fill the needs that she has and will have as she grows and develops. I am grateful to all the biological mothers that have offered life to the children that I love. I am convinced in the depths of my heart that if they are alive and walking the paths they have chosen, they think of the children that I am blessed to call my own. I mourn for them. Their hearts will never be fully reconciled. May God bless them with a rich peace that offers their hearts balm.

I am grateful for all that I have been given. Amidst the pain that life can offer, there is beauty. ~Adoption is beautiful~
Happy Mother's Day!

Camo Pants

Jacie is No Exception

I just wanted to quickly shoot a post off to you. Unfortunately, we have no Internet for the next week so posting will be limited. The good news is that when we do rejoin the techy world, we should be faster and more affordable. I guess we will see on that one!

Jacie is involved in so many changes right now that I feel as though I am running behind her trying to keep up. She is definitely growing- wow! She has moved up to size 12 pants. She is still thin but is getting a pair of long legs on her. We have also started a new therapy on her. I believe that it is called Graston's (sp?) It involves working with her scars in order to loosen them up. I really did not know what to expect but she seems to be benefiting. She has only had one but I can see a difference in her walking. Interesting. The other thing that I have noticed in the last month or so is that she is starting to use her whole foot on her left side. She has always toe-stepped on that side- never placing her full foot on the floor. Today I watched her walk through the kitchen as correctly as I have ever seen. I wonder if it is the stretching that we are doing with her hips and feet or if her leg length is levelling? Truth, I'll bet it is a combination. It is hard to pinpoint the exact cause because there are many things that are always changing. For instance, she began swimming in December. That might be playing a part. I think that Dr. Nowicki will be very surprised at how well she is doing. I am.

On the emotional front, she appears to be on a roller coaster. Some days she is up and others a little off. I think that has to do with age as she is sneaking up on 11 years old. 11 and 12 years old are interesting times for most kids- Jacie is going to be no exception.

She is growing though and developing at a regular rate. For that I am grateful.

I am blessed everyday to know this young lady~

~Camo Pants

I Stand Amazed...Again

I thought of you, my faithful readers today as I watched my little girl walk, run and swim with such strength.All I could think is, "Man I wish that I had my computer so I could post this."

This beautiful child is learning to walk stronger with her head up. It is truly an amazing journey to witness. This morning, I noticed that she was walking on her left foot without a shoe. She never puts weight on that side without her shoe- she always toe steps. I filed what I had noticed and moved on with my day. It wasn't until later, in the pool that I thought of it again. She was swimming so well. It wasn't long ago that her left side weakness caused her to swim almost in circles. Today, she was strong and straight. Her teacher thinks that she is almost ready to start the Stringray swim team- like as soon as May. Wow! I am not certain that we can fit swim club in the summer but we will see. I think that the combination of her horseback riding, swimming and therapy has brought about the strength that I am seeing. I stand amazed.

There are so many facets to adoption. My deepest desire would be that all could understand the beauty that is found in those facets. I have so many thoughts, plans and desires that center on this realm. I must step back to ensure that I walk only in the path that I am supposed- not reacting only in passion. Sometime, I will lay out all of the thoughts and ideas that I have running through my head. Until then, I will find myself content to type my life as I watch my hopes and dreams for this little girl unfold. I am blessed that you are walking it with me.

Jacie also hit another milestone today...she read a story! I knew that she would get it. She is by no means done learning but this is a step. I am so excited for her. All of her school is going fairly well. She is getting things little by little. She still loves to have me read aloud to her. I think that she would let me do that all day if I was willing but I have to say, "I can only do Junie B Jones for so long..."

I am honored to walk this journey (even if I have to read Junie B Jones incessently.)

I am grateful~

CP

This Is So Great

What a wonderful holiday season that Jacie has had. Last night she danced around her room singing, "I love Christmas. This is so great!"

How cute she was. She received some new items for her bedroom and is now spending time in her room enjoying them. I love this. She has come so far. It was only 2 1/2 years ago that she wouldn't even go into her own room by herself. Now she has a beautifully comfortable room, way to many toys and books and a drawer full of writing and drawing materials- right down her alley. How quickly time flies and change occurs.
Jacie is incredibly smart. This holiday break, she got her first very large Lego set and put it together all by herself. So awesome. She was very serious about her work on it. She sat at the kitchen counter and followed the instruction books to the letter. Loren only had to help her a little bit when she got stuck. She is also quite capable in Math. On Friday I need to go and find some new school books for her because she is not ready to move to her grade level because she does not read but is out of the 1st and 2nd grade books that I got her for this school year. She flies through the material. I am looking to move her into multiplication. Just a little winter activity to keep me busy~

I posted last time that I am considering writing this blog into a book. What do you think? I stand back from the life I am living and think, "This is pretty normal stuff. Why would anyone want to read a book about it?"

Yet, its not normal. It is different. It takes special thought and care. Though normal is my goal it is something that I strive for daily. It does not come easy. Is that worth the pages that a book would be printed on or the cyber space that it would take up? The questions that spin through my head are what keeps me in stalemate when it comes to this new 'career.'

I hear the laughter of my children in the background. We are healthy and happy as we look to the new year. For that I am grateful~

CP

Wowsers

Wow! Two months since my last post. That makes me sad. Yet, I have been working on a special project so my time is a little borrowed. Anyone care to guess what that project could be...?

Well, first I quit my 'job' as a professional adoption blogger. Then I sent applications to everyone I could think of. Third I printed my whole blog in a book form. Yup, you guessed it- I am finally writing Jacie's book. I have to admit that my own fears have kept me at a stalemate. I printed the blog, read it over and have just stared at it since. I don't know what to do with it. I don't know if anyone will want to read it. Yet, I know that God is tugging at my heart to write it. I am not only writing the book- I am applying to speak about adoption on a professional level. Again, I step back from this and look at it with an unsure amazement. Is this really where God would have me place my time? I have been out of the social loop for a long time. I have not held a position that required me to give large amounts of my time at any point in my marriage. Am I hearing God correctly?

Jacie is growing up so nicely. She is such a neat girl. Yet, she struggles just like any other pre-teen girl. She is on the fast track to becoming a young lady and is VERY emotional. Wowsers... She breaks my heart with her tears which seem to come often right now. I struggle to put into words how much I feel inadequate for walking her through this time of her life. She is still not fully fluent, not reading and her comprehension (though very good) has gaps. How to explain the finer points of teenage development in this case has left me baffled. I do know for certain that I am not reading the signs wrong- she is definitely developing. Her latest appointment with Dr. Nowicki confirmed that for me. He ordered a bone scan of her hips and then showed me how he could tell that she was 'growing up.' He also talked to me about her hip dysplaxia and how she will probably require hip surgery on both sides. he could not tell me when because her teenage years will shift everything but he did say, "It could be 10 months or 10 years but something will have to be done."

Just a little something to look forward to. Jacie has accepted the fact that she needs braces on her teeth. This came from the multitudes of children that I pointed out that already had these same braces and how common it is. She was even trying to figure out what color she wanted. What a doll.

We are coming up on our 3rd Christmas since she came home. That in itself is amazing but it shouldn't surprise me because she will be 11 in April- seems like just yesterday. Life continues to march forward and I often find myself standing outside of it and praying for grace to do things right. To say the right things. To touch the heart of this little girl who stole my heart.

Pray for us as we search out God's will for the book and speaking engagements. It is something that I have a heart for but know that if it is not done correctly, my kids could suffer.

I am blessed everyday to be where I am    ~CP

BTW: This pic is from Halloween. My little ninja princess decided to be a fabulous movie star. So out of character for her. I thought for sure that she would want to be Darth Maul or some awful creature. Nope- a beautiful movie star suited her. But rest assured, she is still my favorite ninja- she requested a black ninja mask and sword for Christmas.

Writer's Conference

I hate to admit it but I am using my blog to be part of a contest- Writer's Digest is sponsoring a give away of a free pass to the 2012 San Fransisco Writer's Conference on Feb. 16-19. I would love to win this because I would simply enjoy seeing what the industry is about and has. Those of you who follow know that I blog about this journey with the intention of writing a memoir in the future. It can be found @Writers Digest.com. Check it out.

I have a lot to update about. Jacie now has what we like to call 'the robotic leg.' I can't wait to show you pics. I will get back on tomorrow and let you know how all of her appointments have gone. Until then...send one up that I win this coveted ticket!

~Camo Pants