As I sit here writing this, I can hear Jacie's gentle snoring filling the room. I love days like these. It is raining outside and everyone but me is napping inside. I have to admit, I love a quiet house.
This journey we are on as a family has many highs and lows. A quiet, peaceful afternoon of rest is definitely a high in my book.
Yesterday was such an interesting day. Jacie continues to walk through the process of grieving and acceptance. On the whole, I would say that she does well. I think that Bart and my understanding of various things gets better with time but we are still lacking in some areas.
While at the store, I was treated to the whole, "In China, Jacie had..." every couple of steps. I have begun to question some of what she is stating because it seems so far-fetched and if it is true then she probably didn't need to be pulled out of her 'situation'.
For instance, Jacie said, "In China, Ma give me money."
I said, "China Ma give you money?"
"Yes, all of the time. Mommy and daddy, they no give me money."
The hard part of this conversation is not if it is true or not, it is if she really believes it or not. We got her from an orphanage, one that we were not allowed to see inside. That is not a good sign (when thinking about what conditions were like.) Bart and I fear that wrapped into all of comparisons, she will weave a story that she will ultimately believe and resent us for taking her away from her 'utopia'.
You may be reading this and think, how can that be...
Everything is compared to China and everything falls short. Everything. I am not naive enough to think that everything was better in China. They had nicer things, more money, etc. etc. etc. I am just a little concerned that she will believe what she tells us. This part of the process was not unexpected but I don't need to tell you that reading about something and walking it are two different things with the latter being more difficult, of course.
I am still trying to figure out if she really had Christmas in China or not. She pointed at the Christmas tree in Sam's Club yesterday and said, "In China, Jacie had."
I replied, "Oh, in China Jacie had a Christmas tree?"
She said, "Yes." Then she pointed at a card of Santa Claus and told me that when she slept, Santa came and brought her a present.
"Cool," I said. I thought maybe we had made a break through. Nope. She proceeded to walk up and down the Christmas aisles pointing to EVERYTHING and saying, "In China, Jacie had..."
There is no way that in China, Jacie's family had the $124.00 HUGE lighted wreath for hanging outside. The wreath is bigger than most of the houses (apartments.) In Chinese dollars that wreath would cost over $1200. So I know that we are dealing with a dreamer here.
Being an analyzer, you can be assured that I have thought about the place we are in. Bart and I have decided to give her the space in this area to come to terms with the truth on her own. It is hard, on our end to be giving hand over fist and 'falling short' across the board but we know in our heart that we are exactly where God wants us and he will work out the logistics.
She really is an amazing kid with a great sense of humor...
Today, while the boys were doing their school, she began to draw 'funny' pictures of various animals and cartoon characters. Things like Scooby-doo with eight arms and a chicken with six feet. Pretty much, she tickled her own funny bone. She would draw them, then come in and show them to us, laughing loudly. She then moved to drawing the boys. Man, that was enough to keep her laughing. She said, "Ungly picture of Jared...hehehe."
We laughed, not because of the picture but because of her pronunciation of 'ugly.' She took that as affirmation and drew an ugly picture of Loren. The whole time saying, "Jared (Loren) ungly." Then pointing to the picture of then with four eyes and ten legs.
"Loren (Jared) ungly," she would say. Then laugh again. It sounds more harsh than it was. She was teasing them and they were teasing her right back. It became quite a game.
After awhile, I said, "Jacie's English is ungly..." And she laughed and dance around saying, "Jacie English ungly...that's funny." She was right...it was funny.
I am glad that she has a good sense of humor. With that, our good times definitely outweigh our bad.