Now that the holidays are behind us, a gentle rhythm has taken over the house. Everyone has their own thing that they are wanting to do and the house is quiet (even while they are all here.) It is almost shocking...
Well, that moment of silence is over. It is once again loud and I am able to think with clarity. It seems sad that it takes the roar of the 'crowd' to promote creative thinking and blogging.
My heart is heavy though. I have been thinking about the huge undertaking that the Lord has called us to and am very weary at all of the intricacies involved. It feels like to much.
I am often asked, "How do you like having a girl?"
I think that my answer is sometimes unexpected. It is quite simply...hard. This is not a normal mother/daughter relationship. It is difficult to explain the complexities that are woven into the day to day life of an eight-year old who is adopted that late. Life is not normal. It may never be again. There are so many major issues that surface on a daily basis. Many of which I am neither qualified nor desire to undertake. Yet they must be dealt with using precision and grace. Two qualities that I am learning...but do not excel at.
When I hear the words, "In China..." I almost cringe. Maybe that seems like cowardice to you but I dread hearing the stories. How many of them are true? Does she know enough English to properly explain? Am I making incorrect assumptions off what I am told. Daily, I have to remind myself that this child has no base of understanding. She is (running) through this 'new' life, experiencing as much as possible but cannot tie it back to any thing from the past. We are building a foundation using broken pieces. Truth? It scares me. I am by no means qualified for building another person...
The best part of this whole journey...? I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is God's party. Not mine. He chose this young lady and our family. Perhaps I wouldn't have trusted this major of an undertaking to myself but He did. This whole adoption was never truly 'in the cards' so to speak. Yet, He made it happen, opened our hearts and continues to show His mercy. Thank goodness for that mercy.
She and I made finger puppets today, read a lot of books, watched the Princess Diaries and played play dough. Whew... I am exhausted. She does not play without someone there with her. Most of the time, it is difficult to manage that 'time.' Today it was not. I had nothing on my agenda except dishes and laundry...and who wouldn't rather play with play dough and watch a 'girl movie...?'
She seems to be moving in some molars. The back of her mouth is incredibly swollen. She did not want to take the medicine that I had for her but relented...and found out that I do know what I am talking about. Now she asks for it. I guess that I am smarter than I look...
I am curious what the dentist has to say about her mouth. Unfortunately, when she first complained, I couldn't see anything and assumed that she had a popcorn kernel stuck so I gave her a toothpick. What I didn't realize is that she took the toothpick to bed and promptly spent the next eight hours poking the back of her mouth. No wonder the swelling is so bad. Yeah, you guessed it, "If she poked her mouth for eight hours...how many hours of sleep do you think she got?"
She deals with compulsive behaviors. She grasps for control in most situations and when she feels like that control is slipping...? She grasps harder.
Please continue to pray for her.