As I sit here blogging a little piece of our lives and sending it out into the dark of the night, I have to wonder if I am truly talking to myself...
I like to humor myself into thinking that there are a couple of you die hards who are still out there and interested in the journey of the heart that our family on the whole and Jacie specifically has been called to. Maybe I tell myself that you are out there in order to spark my writing enthusiasm. So, if for no one else- I write these blogs as proof to myself that God's hand rests on this family. That he has marked our journey and is faithful. Always.
We have had an interesting month. It has been good mixed with a lot of hard. Exhausting mixed with some rest. And incredibly growth producing- I hope. I have to admit there have been many times [today] that I have fallen on my face before the Lord and prayed. Let's be straight here- I begged.
Begged for my children's salvation.
Begged for patience (since I seem to have been created without any!)
Begged for wisdom and grace.
My heart cries out for the my family. I have lost my desire for anything in this world but to see my children saved, happy and relationally sound. This is not the case yet. We are dealing with basic life things like 'hitting puberty' and sibling rivalry but to top that off, we have placed the burden of a sister on our family. I use the word burden lightly because you (who have followed) know that she is my heart and her daddy's princess. To her brothers though...
I think a burr in the bum might suffice as a proper description. I thought about my children's lives recently. I mean really thought and I actually wondered at the plan of God. I thought back to when Loren was a baby. He was an only child and happy with that. His daddy was his. He used to get upset when other people would talk to 'his daddy.' Before he could even remember, we added Jared to the family. Jared came with a cute smile and a bag stuffed full of medical equipment. That is when Loren learned to worry. Before Jared I am not certain Loren worried about anything. Jared brought such a new dimension to our family. He was charismatic, engaging and black (in a white family) which made him a novelty. Loren learned to take backseat to Jared's ever present medical needs and charisma. Why backseat? Because Loren wasn't born with that natural friendship making flair and was healthy as a horse. He was a little reserved and tended to focus inward. We used to say that Jared never met anyone who was not his friend. Loren walked alongside Jared for ten years. They struggled with the normal sibling things but never to the depth that they struggle today. Loren worries. Jared is carefree. Yeah, you get the picture.
So much of what I have written has been focused completely on my two adopted children. It is their stories that people want to hear. Yet tonight it is that little boy who shared his daddy that has my heart. He has learned to give in ways that many children have not. He learned with Jared and Jacie that people want to know the story of the kids who 'have a story' but the child who was born into the family and remained there... Well that is pretty normal.
Loren is such a good guy. He has stepped up and carried both of his siblings in one form or another often and is only thirteen. I wonder sometimes if it is too much pressure? He struggles. His desire is to be strong and courageous. He has learned to give. He has learned that the world does not revolve around him. Yet, I worry that he has learned too much to quick. Is that possible?
I have used him often to help me with Jacie- especially since her surgery. He has carried her everywhere for many months. Is he perfect? Well of course not. He is our 'grumpy old man.' Yet, I have to put this out to you. This guy amazes me. He is only thirteen. He has walked through two major medical adoptions and learned to appreciate [I like to think] his siblings. He is the first of the children to step back and let someone else go. He cooks (sometimes, when I need him to,) he cleans, he carries and gives (though sometimes grudgingly.) Those are the positive things that I see in his life.
I have heard him say that the other kids are the ones who are worthy of writing about an him...well... he is normal.
This weekend has been a struggle between him and I. He is tired. I am tired. We are a lot alike. I tell him that this is a good thing. I am not sure that he believes me. Pray for the 'other guy.' This guy is my firstborn.- the 'crown of his daddy' and hands down one of my best friends. He is thirteen and I don't need to tell you that thirteen is hard.
~Camo Pants
I like to humor myself into thinking that there are a couple of you die hards who are still out there and interested in the journey of the heart that our family on the whole and Jacie specifically has been called to. Maybe I tell myself that you are out there in order to spark my writing enthusiasm. So, if for no one else- I write these blogs as proof to myself that God's hand rests on this family. That he has marked our journey and is faithful. Always.
We have had an interesting month. It has been good mixed with a lot of hard. Exhausting mixed with some rest. And incredibly growth producing- I hope. I have to admit there have been many times [today] that I have fallen on my face before the Lord and prayed. Let's be straight here- I begged.
Begged for my children's salvation.
Begged for patience (since I seem to have been created without any!)
Begged for wisdom and grace.
My heart cries out for the my family. I have lost my desire for anything in this world but to see my children saved, happy and relationally sound. This is not the case yet. We are dealing with basic life things like 'hitting puberty' and sibling rivalry but to top that off, we have placed the burden of a sister on our family. I use the word burden lightly because you (who have followed) know that she is my heart and her daddy's princess. To her brothers though...
I think a burr in the bum might suffice as a proper description. I thought about my children's lives recently. I mean really thought and I actually wondered at the plan of God. I thought back to when Loren was a baby. He was an only child and happy with that. His daddy was his. He used to get upset when other people would talk to 'his daddy.' Before he could even remember, we added Jared to the family. Jared came with a cute smile and a bag stuffed full of medical equipment. That is when Loren learned to worry. Before Jared I am not certain Loren worried about anything. Jared brought such a new dimension to our family. He was charismatic, engaging and black (in a white family) which made him a novelty. Loren learned to take backseat to Jared's ever present medical needs and charisma. Why backseat? Because Loren wasn't born with that natural friendship making flair and was healthy as a horse. He was a little reserved and tended to focus inward. We used to say that Jared never met anyone who was not his friend. Loren walked alongside Jared for ten years. They struggled with the normal sibling things but never to the depth that they struggle today. Loren worries. Jared is carefree. Yeah, you get the picture.
So much of what I have written has been focused completely on my two adopted children. It is their stories that people want to hear. Yet tonight it is that little boy who shared his daddy that has my heart. He has learned to give in ways that many children have not. He learned with Jared and Jacie that people want to know the story of the kids who 'have a story' but the child who was born into the family and remained there... Well that is pretty normal.
Loren is such a good guy. He has stepped up and carried both of his siblings in one form or another often and is only thirteen. I wonder sometimes if it is too much pressure? He struggles. His desire is to be strong and courageous. He has learned to give. He has learned that the world does not revolve around him. Yet, I worry that he has learned too much to quick. Is that possible?
I have used him often to help me with Jacie- especially since her surgery. He has carried her everywhere for many months. Is he perfect? Well of course not. He is our 'grumpy old man.' Yet, I have to put this out to you. This guy amazes me. He is only thirteen. He has walked through two major medical adoptions and learned to appreciate [I like to think] his siblings. He is the first of the children to step back and let someone else go. He cooks (sometimes, when I need him to,) he cleans, he carries and gives (though sometimes grudgingly.) Those are the positive things that I see in his life.
I have heard him say that the other kids are the ones who are worthy of writing about an him...well... he is normal.
This weekend has been a struggle between him and I. He is tired. I am tired. We are a lot alike. I tell him that this is a good thing. I am not sure that he believes me. Pray for the 'other guy.' This guy is my firstborn.- the 'crown of his daddy' and hands down one of my best friends. He is thirteen and I don't need to tell you that thirteen is hard.
~Camo Pants
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